uganda epilogue

the rest of the time spent in uganda and homeward bound.

sunday, august 31/08

the rest of our time in uganda was a bit of a blur.  there were days of relaxing around the house. i did my own laundry in a small tub.  even when i was doing it henry, the young man who was working as a guard of the compound, didn't feel right about the mzungu doing his own work and offered to wash my cloths for me. i had to insist saying i don't do this at home and wanted to experience what they do on a regular basis. he would only let me continue if i promised to ask him to do it if i wanted to quit. i'm happy to say i did finish and then spread my cloths on the ground to dry. the whole time lola was doing her laundry and we chatted. it was a good time.

later that week we went on a bit of a tourist trip to the source of the nile river. i never knew that it started all the way down in uganda. i read a sign that said it takes four months for water to travel from lake victoria to the mediterranean. 

also there was a statue of ghandi. apparently, he said he wanted his ashes spread in four places that he considered symbols of life and unity, the source of the nile being one of them.

this area is also the home of the 'nile' brewery which produces the most popular beer in uganda. it tastes pretty good too. while we were in the bar some local came to me and said he thought i was kenny rogers (not the first time i've heard that, although i don't get it). i proved that, yes, in fact i was kenny rogers by singing a verse and chorus of 'the gambler' (lola had to get me started). we could see him as we followed him back to the parking lot speaking with people and telling them who i was. i don't know that he really believed it but it was interesting to have that experience on the other side of the globe.

after a tearful farewell, brad and i were on our way. we followed the same path by which we had come. brad left me at dubai because he wanted to take a taxi around the famous city. his direct flight to newcastle was in several hours. i only had to wait for about an hour for my flight after arriving at dubai.

the trip home was uneventful. i had an amazing time that can't help but effect me forever; new friends, experiences that took me back to a primal place mixed with cell phones and the internet. africa the birthplace of life. i have my life to look forward to, a new job, and time to spend with my family. i wish they could have been on this trip with me. my connection with uganda will not end soon either. i have left old friends and new friends (some of whom feel like old friends). i will continue my involvement with HOME/omuka, the home for teenaged boys who have been orphaned by AIDS, providing education and a safe home to call their own.

uganda XII

recording session in kampala

monday, august 25/08

the way that roger arranges things is a bit of frustration for me. for instance, a recording session done in canada needs to be arranged and planned ahead of time. in roger's mind everything is arranged but not in reality.  we knew we wanted to do the recording and were already planning for it.  then he phones to make the arrangements! we were to start at midnight and would have the studio (with engineer) until 6am. 

when we got to the studio we found ourselves in the middle of the ghetto, in a very dark alley. unfortunately the door was locked. we could hear music but nobody responded to our constant pounding on the door. roger said he would phone the engineer on his cel. but he was unable to get a good signal so he said he would leave to get a better signal and i should wait for him there. "here!?" i said. it was dark and several times there were suspicious people walking past. of course, at midnight in a dark alley in a ghetto in africa, anyone looks suspicious. i probably looked suspicious. "i'm not staying here alone." roger seemed amused by this. he said to follow him. he led me into what seemed like an abandoned building with a hallway. from different directions we heard loud noises from people yelling, music, tv, and radio, and no-one was  responding to our calls. finally, a phone call resulted in an unlocked door.

the studio had state-of-the-art equipment but the place was very dark and grundgy. the windows were almost opaque with dirt. the engineer was a pleasant guy who also owns the studio. he actually owns many of the buildings in the area which is why the studio is situated in this area. 

roger and i had hoped to put some "real" instruments in this recording but the engineer immediately began to sequence the music. after a long discussion around what was expected by the public and the time available, and who was really the producer here (he had produced roger's recordings in the past and expected to do this song as well), the sequencing continued. roger seemed ok with this so i had to let it go.

one of the things that i noticed was that roger is an intuitive performer. he really knows what he's doing in the studio and is able to get the feel and emotion of a song into the recording which is not a common thing.

after the recording (which took only a couple hours) we had to find our way home because there was no more taxi's available. roger said we would take a bodaboda which is like a motorcycle taxi. unfortunately, they weren't available either. and i was not excited about getting on one of these with someone who likely was either drunk or had been smoking dope for the last couple hours. roger made an arrangement that he would drive one bike with me on it, and the other bike would have the two drivers (one of them the owner of the motorcycle we were riding) follow us. it didn't take long for me to realize that roger didn't have alot of experience on bikes and the ride home was hair-raising and nerve-wracking. but we arrived safely and the recording day we had looked forward to was over.

uganda X

"hurry up and wait"

friday, august 22/08

we were supposed to leave today for kampala but there was a lot of "hurry up and wait" because roger still hadn't gathered all his cows.  finally, he did and we were ready to go.  oh, wait!  uncle grace just called and wanted to see lola and congratulate her and roger.  

(there is no land phone system in uganda.  everyone has a cell phone and although you could probably get a contract, everyone i saw bought time cards...10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes.  very cheap.  and the sellers are walking up and down traffic selling at intersections.  there are a few companies but 3 main ones.  the funny thing is they tell people that if they let them put their logo on their shop.  so, in every neighbourhood, ghetto, and village there are the floresent colours for each company...bright pink, deep purple, and sky blue.  everything along side them is shabby and dingy.  it's very funny to see a herder in the middle of the dark continent, far from civilization on his cell phone way out in a pasture.  and electricity for the main house in uncle eric's case comes from solar panels!)

so off we go to uncle grace's place.  the car can't go there so roger, brad and i walk through forest and pastureland about 3 or 4 miles until we come upon a small, neat compound.  to greet us is a mentally handicapped teenage boy who seems quite curious.  remember, brad and i are only the 3rd and 4th mzungu in this area and, according to roger, the first two who have made it to this property.  quite intoxicating for us, actually.  also to greet us are 2 younger children, curious as well, but welcoming and smiling shyly, and one of the most beautiful women i've ever seen.  giggling with glee and not taking "no" for an answer would not let us leave until we entered their humble hut and sat in their prized chairs.  after a few pictures we were on our way.

now, another surprise.  roger said that i was going with grace while he and brad would go back the way they came.  i'm guessing it was because i'm an old man and would probably expire on the trek back to eric's compound.  so, off the two of us go, not able to speak to each other because of language barriers.  the cow paths kept us single file so we didn't need to talk anyway. but he was careful to show me the way so i wouldn't stumble.

suddenly, we happen upon another compound with a wooden gate.  inside were 2 buildings. one looked like a shed.  the other was a long, rectangle building about 50' long and 25' wide.  built on a tree branch frame and covered with the same red dirt that was found on their homes.  it had been lovingly smoothed and decorated with tribal symbols in one line all around the building.  we enter and i see a platform at one end with a podium and a scant number of benches strewn about... and a motorcycle!  this church was built by grace for the people in the area.

upon entering the church grace walked over to one of the walls and began to pray.  it was quite moving watching a man that had such devotion.  mind you we were about to travel on a motorcycle.  maybe i should say a little prayer.

out of the church, out of the compound and off we went through the cow pastures back to uncle eric's place.  another fond farewell and we headed back to kampala on the long, arduous and this time, very dusty road.

my window was open for some relief from the heat but i paid for it.  brad said my hair (at least the side facing the window) had turned red.  red is the colour of the earth in uganda and anything remotely close to any road is covered with red dust.

lola and i got into an argument about something really silly.  we argued like a married couple. brad stayed out of it and roger giggled nervously wondering what was going on.  i knew i had said some insensitive things and realized we were going to have to talk about it.  i was thinking about how families disintegrate because of hurt feelings.  we dealt with it when were left alone for a few minutes at the cafe back in kampala.

i went into the restroom to wash the dirt off my face and out of my hair.  all that happened was that all my hair turned a rusty colour.  i pretended it was my new look and everyone seemed impressed.

uganda VIII

more about the village...

wednesday, august 20/08

the days on the farm are slow and lazy.  at least, for a mzungu.  when we had lunch, which was served by uncle george's daughters while we ate in his patriarchal house.  we entered a conversation.  

brad and i spent the wedding day with steve's wife/girlfriend and mother of his child.  her name is joyce.  i remember feeling uncomfortable because back at the house he was openly flirtatious with other young women visiting there.  they were, too, but that's a whole different story; one that they will have to write.  i asked steve what his relationship was with joyce.  he said they loved each other and seemed slightly confused by the question. suddenly, brad said, "steve, you are such a hypocrite!"  this candor surprised us all.  steve defended himself saying that it was his tradition (one of the uncles out here has two wives even though he is a christian.  uncle george is a "born-again" and has one wife as a result).  in the conversation, roger pointed out that it was his tradition, too, but he had no intention of having more than one wife.  this resulted in much teasing of lola and lots of laughter.

back to the conversation:  steve said roger had become "a modern man" but he liked the tradition.  he even said if he could find a white woman who would take him to britain or america, he would marry her and go with her to live where she lives.  he said he would still support joyce and brain (yes, brain, not brian) if he could.  it's his tradition to allow for more than one wife and therefore, is good.  steve said we have no right to judge another culture's traditions.

after wrestling with that for a while, i said, "if a man in iran steals a loaf of bread they can cut off his hand.  that's their tradition.  is it, therefore, good?"  steve said, "no."  "some traditions," i said, "are not good and should be changed."  we talked more about the value of marriage for love and companionship, sharing your life.  it seemed that steve wasn't sure anymore but the conversation was over.  

i must admit that this is before i met uncle eric and his two wives.  maybe these long accepted relationships have a purpose in some cultures.  his two wives love each other and each other's children.  eric is a kind and generous man.  but the sense is he lucked out.  and although he clearly loves his first wife, we're not sure what the relationship is between him and her.

brad said that the prophet mohammed said four wives was the ideal - one can't do everything required of a wife, two will be envious of each other, three will create schisms and gossip about each other.  how having four wives solves those problems, i don't know.

interesting story in uncle george's family group.  one day a woman who was "not right in the head" wandered into his compound.  he decided to care for her as his faith compelled him to do. now that's commitment to a tradition!

at one point, one of george's son's decided to visit her hut for sex.  an unfortunate element of their tradition.  they had sex once and the woman became pregnant and in the appointed time gave birth to lucy.  soon after that the mother wandered away as mysteriously as she arrived.

george's son, lucy's father, cares for her with his wife and their other children.  the interesting thing is, while the other children are shy and reserved, lucy is a ball of energy often skipping from chore to game to chore.  she plays happily with all the kids, caring for the younger ones. and she laughs easily (until it came time to take a picture, that is).

uganda VII

how can one say they have had a life changing experience and expect people to take them seriously.  i was in uganda (never been there before) in a small village (one of the first two white men to be there) and walked where no white man has ever walked before.  how can that NOT be life changing? 

tuesday, august 19/08

what a long, arduous ride to get out here!  probably three hours or so but 2/3 of the way is on red dirt roads that, thankfully, have been settled with rain.  but it could have been much worse if we had come by taxi.  "taxi" is an experience i've yet to have.  they are like econoline vans that are licensed for 14 people plus a driver and a conductor.  they have been known to take more. that would have been brutal on these roads.  beezman, steve, and parisai came out in a taxi.  i must say that i feel somewhat guilty about that but our hosts want to treat us well.  and the taxi is how these folks get around so there was no complaint from these people.

the home that roger and his brothers and sister lived in right in the village is basically a small room crammed with 2 couches, a coffee table, and and bureau.  behind a hanging blanket is a sleeping room.  steve still stays there when he comes home.

when we got there they were in the middle of their weekly market.  it was interesting as a cultural event but disappointing on other levels.  cows and goats were bought at market and were being taken to the big city for slaughtering.  the truckers and their workers were were incredibly cruel to the animals.   the cattle are crammed in front to back with heads twisted in whatever way necessary to make a fit.  the goats are piled 3 high and crowded like the cows.  we saw truckloads on the way up to the village with legs stuck out the sides of the truck.  brad went to take a picture.  they began to yell and swear about mzungu just wanting to take the pictures and sell them.  roger began to argue with them.  he didn't say we weren't selling the pictures but said, "what are we all here for?  people sell things, people buy things.  that's what the market is."  i think he likes to argue/debate a little bit.

after a walk around the  village meeting people, followed by children and accosted by the market-day drunks (thank goodness for steve - everyone knows him and likes him; he was our protector to a certain degree) we headed off to uncle george's farm compound.  on the compound is a house for george and his wife,and three clay, thatch-roofed huts housing 3 families - 2 daughters and their husbands and children, and 1 son with his wife and children.  also a clay cook house where they cook their milk and make yoghurt (which was fabulous, by the way).

uganda VI

this entry was written sitting in a cafe in kampala as everyone else was running around getting errands done.

monday, august 18/08

today the boys (douglas and moses) left for school.  douglas is doing some extra schooling to get ahead because he is graduating at christmas.  moses is going to his grandfather's place for a couple days, then he's off for his next semester.

we still have no water at the house.  apparently, we're at the mercy of gravity and water pressure.  when there's enough pressure, then there's water.  i have dreaded having to use those holes in the ground that pass for latrines and sure enough they are beyond my capacity to bend. the water we have is carried every couple days from the community center.  i started using the grey water from dishes and laundry to flush and everyone has been thankful.  

tomorrow we're heading out to the village (kyayi - pronounced chai) which is where roger and his siblings were raised.  the uncles (they aren't really blood relatives but roger and his brothers and sister call them uncles) are the ones who stepped up when roger's parents died. they cared for these children...selflessly and without hesitation.  like most young people who leave the safe isolation of their first homes to go to the big city, they ended up in unfortunate circumstances. in the case of roger and his brothers, they ended up living in the ghetto.

anyway, they don't have modern toilets either.

uganda V

here's the journal entry for the day after lola's and roger's wedding.

sunday, august 17/08

the morning after the great event.  roger and lola aren't here at the house yet.  they should be here soon.  last night there was an issue around whether they would stay at the hotel for their wedding night. roger was concerned that marg and sarah were leaving today and he should spend their last evening with them.  very much the man of the house wanting to treat his guests with honour.  he was concerned that they spent so much money, travelled such a great distance. they were such welcomed guests and he just didn't want to leave them on their last night in uganda.  

marg spoke with him to say they should enjoy their wedding night in a nice hotel.  he said no. we sent his brothers and his best man to convince him that marg and sarah really wanted them to stay at the hotel.  he said no.  i spoke with lola who said she would love to stay at the hotel but would do what roger decided because this was his issue. finally i was sent to speak to roger.

at first i simply said that they should stay.  he said no.  i told him that marg and sarah would feel terrible if they realized they were the cause of him and lola missing out on their wedding night.  he wavered but said no.

i felt for him as i became aware of the conflict warring within him...wanting to be honourable to his guests and his new wife. wanting to sacrifice but also wanting what he wanted.  finally, in the middle of this cultural conflict, i said, "roger, i am your elder and i'm telling you, you must stay at the hotel tonight."  a smile came over his face and he said, "what about lola?  she wants to honour her mother and her friends."  i said, "i think she would be happy that you decided to stay."  i said, "you can spend some time with marg and sarah now and you will drive them to the airport tomorrow."  he went and spoke with lola.  they both returned with the answer that they were staying.

this moment of calling on my position as an elder was quite amazing. how would my children, or any young person for that matter, react if i said, "do this because i'm your elder."?  their reaction would be quite different from roger's.  here in uganda there is quite a different viewpoint or value given to honour and respecting of roles.  there was a time in our history where honour and chivalry were held in high esteem.  because of pendulum-swing reaction to our human tendency to abuse power and control, we have all but lost those values.  it's too bad.

it was just as well that lola and roger didn't come home with us because when we got the the compound, we discovered the water was off - no shower, no flushing toilet.  the only reason we had drinking water was because it was purchased every day or two so we would always have it on hand.  the shortage of water happens on a regular basis when there is a lack of rain.  this slows the flow of water causing less pressure.

apparently, they had a good night.

another first for brad and myself at any wedding was the gifting of cows...seven, after all was said and done.  this is not just symbolic but is a real gift of wealth in this economy where money is almost useless in comparison with property everywhere accept in the larger towns and cities.

uganda IV

saturday, august 16/08; 6:00am - ish

i couldn't sleep much last night.  i must be a little nervous about singing "at last".  it went through my head probably 50 times or more - no exaggeration.  

roger and lola also asked me to pray the closing prayer which has also been on my mind.  after a short sleep needing to get up to "recycle" the beer.  it was only one but clearly too late.  

then the cock crowed (way too early), the pigs across the road squeeled, and a crazed dog next door barked steadily until the sky lightened.  all of this started with the buzzing of a vibrating cel phone on a table (not mine) and the regular muslim call to prayer somewhere in the distance. romance nixed with irritation kept me awake 'til i thought i might as well get up.

later that day was the wedding.  more about that later.  what follows is a toast to the bride and a prayer that i was asked to give...

i know lola.  i have known her for a long time.  i have worked with her for years.  and i know lola.

i have seen her hold the lonely, and heal the wound of the hurting with a touch and a smile, or a tear.  she embraces freely, gives of her life generously, and loves deeply.  she is one of the most compassionate people i know.

i feel i know God better because of lola.  God made her; and i know lola.

when i met lola's mother i wasn't surprised that she was a caring, gentle person.  because lola was raised by her mother; and i know lola.

and so when i heard about roger from lola, and spoke to him on the phone a few times, i didn't really know him.  i have since learned that roger is a man of integrity, courage, and compassion. but i shouldn't be surprised.  lola has chosen him; and i know lola.

if it was not for lola and roger, i never would have come to this beautiful land.  roger has welcomed me to his country, i have eaten at his table and tasted his wine.  i have been embraced by the laughter, joy, and love of his family.  i am humbled and deeply moved, and my life will never be the same.  thank-you; mwaybola nio.

All Mighty God

Creator of all that is beautiful,

Giver of all good things, 

We thank you for today.

We thank you for the picture

of love and fidelity, 

and generosity

we have seen in this celebration.

We ask for Your blessing on

Roger and Lola.  

We ask that you will grant them

Peace,

Wisdom,

Joy, and 

Love

for the rest of their lives;

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  

Amen

uganda III

this is a copy of my journal dated...

friday, august 15/08

i need to make this entry because so much happens that i will get too far behind if i don't do it now.

i have met the most amazing people here.  they are mostly connected to roger - his brothers, cousins, their girlfriends and friends.  douglas, the youngest is recognized by the rest of the family as "father".  they tease him about it but also accept it.  moses is the quiet one full of seriousness and compassion.  stephen is the funny one - the one whom i hope will be my companion/guide while i'm here.

when we first met this group, lola, roger, brad and i were having lunch at the cafe pap in downtown kampala.  in they walked all teeth and joy with embraces.  everyone was saying how they have longed to see me.  i knew many of their names but didn't know who was who (one other fellow is beezman - roger's best friend - all rasta hair and charm.  a beautiful man inside and out).

we arrived at the compound and drank beer, sang, and laughed until i couldn't keep my eyhes open  anymore.  (i had been awake for 48 hours with 3 hours sleep in snatches).

today we ate and went for our first walkabout taking pictures of the neighbourhood around the compound.  i felt self-conscious about taking pictures of others' lives but once i started showing the pictures to the children, it was more like fun and playing.  one woman holding a baby asked me a question - "lesala?"  i quickly called stephan back.  she said the same thing and he repeated to me "lesala?".  my look was blank enough for him to realize i didn't understand.  he patted my arm and said to the woman "no, he's just a big man."  as understanding slowly crept into my mind, i threw my head back in laughter - she had asked, in english no less, if i was a wrestler.  this was the beginning of my journey in not only not understanding the ugandan language but in not understanding the ugandans' english.

they say they can understand brad easier than me.  lola says its because brad had developed a bit of english accent in his english and that's how they are taught in school.  shephen says he thinks it's because i have a big voice, thick and low.  and i speak too fast!  nobody has ever said that about me before.

now i have met stephen's girlfirend/wife, joyce, and their 2 month old baby boy, brain.  some confusion there as well - he was dressed in a dress - but it was blue.  joyce is a beautiful woman who speaks slow enough for me to understand.  we spoke about school, dreams, politics and language.

uganda II

here's my second installment of my trip to uganda last summer.  as you read it, it will be written as i wrote it then.  sometimes i wrote in the present, sometimes reporting things that happened in the past few hours or days.  i hope you're able to enjoy this and imagine the traveling with me.

wednesday, august 13/08

the time spent in minneapolis was uneventful until and hour and a half before take off.  a huge storm came in.  we couldn't see further than 30 years because of the driving rain.  

i had been sitting for several hours at gate c4.  when it came time for what i thought would be boarding time nothing happened.  i checked to see if it was late and i saw that it was at gate g4! which was about a mile away...no exaggeration.  i got there just in time to board thanks to some fancy driving by one of those airport cart drivers.  he drove me right up to the gate door.  

shades of thompson/the pas which is always one of my greatest concerns when i'm traveling and supposed to be at a certain place at a certain time.  it's another story, but it's a good one, believe me.

i didn't sleep very well on the plane.  i watched a movie (iron man) and tried to sleep, but to no avail. arrived at heathrow terminal 4 and had a long subway ride and walk to get to terminal 3.  i'm supposed to meet brad there at 3ish.  i don't even know what time it is.  i went to put my luggage in a safe place but it would cost 6 pound 50 for each item...that's like a total of $45!! that's just crazy.

so here i sit waiting for breakfast while i write.  hope meeting up with brad goes without a hitch.

journey to uganda I

although i went to uganda in august last year, i have finally found the time to write about it.  i knew that the experience could be life changing and so wrote a journal every day or two.  what follows here and for the next few postings will be installments of that journal.  

august 12/08

so here i sit on the tarmac of the winnipeg international airport.  i have been through all the anxiety about flying with my wife, noelle.  she kept trying to ease my concerns i'm aware that those concerns are not rational.  i have found as i get older i want to avoid anything that smacks of danger.  i think this is because i want to be able to be with and enjoy my family as long as i can.

i've already dealt with dying back when i had that cancer scare in november of 07.  i came to grips with all that and as long as i have significant time to tell those i love that i, in fact, love them and to say goodbye, i'd be OK with dying.

it is interesting that i have these irrational fears.  my fears through my life have always been about my own weaknesses.  now they seem to be external things of which i have no control.

so here we are, taxiing out and i'm on my way to one of the poorest countries in the world. what adventures await me (us actually as i'm meeting my good friend, brad, in london).

noelle kissed me, stefi game me a long hug and jordy blessed me.  and i'm off while listening to modest mouse album "we were dead before the ship ever sank".