what the hell? (on so many levels)

well, all there is left is to get started.

as anyone could see (if they read this blog) it's been awhile. and all the while my email says "i've begun blogging again" and a link to this blog is provided. that's been there for a long time. the good thing is no-one comments because no-one reads the blog.

so "why blog?" one might ask. thomas merton says that

"keeping a journal (blog) has taught me that there is not so much new in the interior life as one sometimes thinks. when you reread your journal (blog) you find out that your newest discovery is something you already found out five years ago. still, it is true that one penetrates deeper and deeper into the same ideas and same experiences." Echoing Silence

so we'll see what experiences and ideas we will penetrate in the next while.

speaking of tm, the real reason i've begun again to write in this space is because of the reading and the conversations i've been having for a couple years now. actually, it goes back further than that but let's not.

i have been wondering about the many things i used to believe when i was younger that i either no longer believe or certainly about which i am undecided. hell is a big one. the questions about what if there is a hell are so old as to become trite when written. i will leave them to your own questions and memories of questions. if i am to move away from that doctrine, where do i go? and what do i do with the 'good news'? before the good news was "whew, i don't have to go to hell". now what is the good news?

you'll notice a couple things if you're reading and if you're paying attention.

first i write 'if i am to move away'. i want to avoid saying 'i have moved on'. this suggests that i have grown and evolved beyond these childish ideas. i don't mean that and i don't believe it. these are not childish ideas. people with better minds than mine who are more able to communicate have held and still hold to these ideas, doctrines.

secondly, i do believe there is good news. i believe in the Jesus of the Christians scriptures. replete with the miracles et al. now, that has been a journey as well, later to be blogged i hope. so i still believe there is good news because Jesus talks about it, scripture talks about it. but what is it? that's part of the path i am on now. read scripture, read old saints (and some new ones).

i relish the journey