Monday, March 23, 2009

uganda VIII





more about the village...

wednesday, august 20/08

the days on the farm are slow and lazy.  at least, for a mzungu.  when we had lunch, which was served by uncle george's daughters while we ate in his patriarchal house.  we entered a conversation.  
brad and i spent the wedding day with steve's wife/girlfriend and mother of his child.  her name is joyce.  i remember feeling uncomfortable because back at the house he was openly flirtatious with other young women visiting there.  they were, too, but that's a whole different story; one that they will have to write.  i asked steve what his relationship was with joyce.  he said they loved each other and seemed slightly confused by the question. suddenly, brad said, "steve, you are such a hypocrite!"  this candor surprised us all.  steve defended himself saying that it was his tradition (one of the uncles out here has two wives even though he is a christian.  uncle george is a "born-again" and has one wife as a result).  in the conversation, roger pointed out that it was his tradition, too, but he had no intention of having more than one wife.  this resulted in much teasing of lola and lots of laughter.
back to the conversation:  steve said roger had become "a modern man" but he liked the tradition.  he even said if he could find a white woman who would take him to britain or america, he would marry her and go with her to live where she lives.  he said he would still support joyce and brain (yes, brain, not brian) if he could.  it's his tradition to allow for more than one wife and therefore, is good.  steve said we have no right to judge another culture's traditions.
after wrestling with that for a while, i said, "if a man in iran steals a loaf of bread they can cut off his hand.  that's their tradition.  is it, therefore, good?"  steve said, "no."  "some traditions," i said, "are not good and should be changed."  we talked more about the value of marriage for love and companionship, sharing your life.  it seemed that steve wasn't sure anymore but the conversation was over.  
i must admit that this is before i met uncle eric and his two wives.  maybe these long accepted relationships have a purpose in some cultures.  his two wives love each other and each other's children.  eric is a kind and generous man.  but the sense is he lucked out.  and although he clearly loves his first wife, we're not sure what the relationship is between him and her.
brad said that the prophet mohammed said four wives was the ideal - one can't do everything required of a wife, two will be envious of each other, three will create schisms and gossip about each other.  how having four wives solves those problems, i don't know.
interesting story in uncle george's family group.  one day a woman who was "not right in the head" wandered into his compound.  he decided to care for her as his faith compelled him to do. now that's commitment to a tradition!
at one point, one of george's son's decided to visit her hut for sex.  an unfortunate element of their tradition.  they had sex once and the woman became pregnant and in the appointed time gave birth to lucy.  soon after that the mother wandered away as mysteriously as she arrived.
george's son, lucy's father, cares for her with his wife and their other children.  the interesting thing is, while the other children are shy and reserved, lucy is a ball of energy often skipping from chore to game to chore.  she plays happily with all the kids, caring for the younger ones. and she laughs easily (until it came time to take a picture, that is).

Labels: , , ,

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home