uganda V

here's the journal entry for the day after lola's and roger's wedding.

sunday, august 17/08

the morning after the great event.  roger and lola aren't here at the house yet.  they should be here soon.  last night there was an issue around whether they would stay at the hotel for their wedding night. roger was concerned that marg and sarah were leaving today and he should spend their last evening with them.  very much the man of the house wanting to treat his guests with honour.  he was concerned that they spent so much money, travelled such a great distance. they were such welcomed guests and he just didn't want to leave them on their last night in uganda.  

marg spoke with him to say they should enjoy their wedding night in a nice hotel.  he said no. we sent his brothers and his best man to convince him that marg and sarah really wanted them to stay at the hotel.  he said no.  i spoke with lola who said she would love to stay at the hotel but would do what roger decided because this was his issue. finally i was sent to speak to roger.

at first i simply said that they should stay.  he said no.  i told him that marg and sarah would feel terrible if they realized they were the cause of him and lola missing out on their wedding night.  he wavered but said no.

i felt for him as i became aware of the conflict warring within him...wanting to be honourable to his guests and his new wife. wanting to sacrifice but also wanting what he wanted.  finally, in the middle of this cultural conflict, i said, "roger, i am your elder and i'm telling you, you must stay at the hotel tonight."  a smile came over his face and he said, "what about lola?  she wants to honour her mother and her friends."  i said, "i think she would be happy that you decided to stay."  i said, "you can spend some time with marg and sarah now and you will drive them to the airport tomorrow."  he went and spoke with lola.  they both returned with the answer that they were staying.

this moment of calling on my position as an elder was quite amazing. how would my children, or any young person for that matter, react if i said, "do this because i'm your elder."?  their reaction would be quite different from roger's.  here in uganda there is quite a different viewpoint or value given to honour and respecting of roles.  there was a time in our history where honour and chivalry were held in high esteem.  because of pendulum-swing reaction to our human tendency to abuse power and control, we have all but lost those values.  it's too bad.

it was just as well that lola and roger didn't come home with us because when we got the the compound, we discovered the water was off - no shower, no flushing toilet.  the only reason we had drinking water was because it was purchased every day or two so we would always have it on hand.  the shortage of water happens on a regular basis when there is a lack of rain.  this slows the flow of water causing less pressure.

apparently, they had a good night.

another first for brad and myself at any wedding was the gifting of cows...seven, after all was said and done.  this is not just symbolic but is a real gift of wealth in this economy where money is almost useless in comparison with property everywhere accept in the larger towns and cities.