manners II

just trying to clean up some unfinished blog business. i wrote an installment back in may of 2009 called 'manners I'. you might want to read it if you're going to follow along here. after we're done with this we'll get back to our thoughts on hell and the price of sulphur. 

when i brought up the issue of chivalry at this banquet, i said that even with the adherent  difficulties, i believe we lost something when chivalry was no longer a value we held as important.  there are difficulties with chivalry.  

some people feel that chivalry has a problem because it assumed weakness of the maiden and an inability for her to handle whatever situation in which she found herself.  the knight-errant would slay the dragon for her, or free her from the tower, or lay his cloak over the muddy puddle so she wouldn’t get her dainty, and jewel-shod foot dirty.  for good reason self-respecting and strong women everywhere should reject such a limp-wristed role in society.

as in many areas of our history we made a huge mistake.  in the same way that the protestants threw out the iconic baby with the indulgences bathwater, we have thrown out kindness, gentleness, and honour for the sake of equality.  equality may be a good topic for another blog but i think the loss has been needless.  

in one sense, the idea shouldn't have been that women are weak, powerless, and need help, but that there are people who are weak, powerless, and need help.  to say or think otherwise is unrealistic, naive and/or dishonest. rather than letting go of chivalry it should have been embraced and expanded. i have had the door held open for me by a kind woman (or a man). and i liked it. i have been treated with gentleness when, for one reason or another my tender heart needed care. to be held up and honoured by those who love us would be a remarkable thing. 

and i believe that other societies, and history would view us with perplexed envy. perplexed, because people in this world just don't treat each other with kindness, gentleness, and honour for the most part. envy, because whether people admit it or not everyone desires to be treated with kindness, gentleness, and honour.

manners I

the other evening i was at a banquet with friends.  half the dinners at the table were served a delicious meal of souvlaki chicken, pilaf rice and lemon potatoes.

  

the other half had to wait.  

while we were waiting one of those who had yet to receive her meal commented on the lack of etiquette in the behaviour of those who began to eat without us.  (laughs around the table) then the rest of us, save one, received our dinner.  as i waited until the last person received his meal, i was teased about being so proper.  i told them that when i was young my mom always told me that you don't start eating until everyone has their meal in front of them.  generally, i have continued that practice.

the curious thing to me was that i was chided and teased because i was being polite.  this is something that i think our generation has lost in the name of ... well, i don't know what name to blame for the loss of this simple act of civilization.  we have been told as we hold the door open that "thank you very much but i'm not an invalid.  i can open the door myself."  we have been told that certain words are not acceptable.  for instance, to call a female a "lady" is offensive because of two possible reasons. 

 

that a "lady" in the victorian time is seen as someone who was unable to do things for herself or chose not to do things for herself is one of these possibilities.  the expectation was for her to marry, usually "well", and let the "lord" care for her.  i understand that could be seen as offensive to the modern female.  another possible reason for the offensive nature of the word "lady" is in reference to the "lady of the night". 

 i understand that as offensive and i'm not even a modern female.

"why not call us women?" they ask.  well, to a much lesser degree, i find that word potentially offensive.  for me "woman" has always had the connotation of ownership and being a derivative of "man".  because of that i assume others will find it offensive, so i struggle with using that word in greeting or farewell.

ok.  so, other words that are not acceptable are "babe", "girl", "chick", "hon", "dear", and i'm sure there are many others.  actually, i find it quite disheartening when i hear young females calling other females "chick" because it seems they don't even have the "derogatory nature of address" on their radar.  this does not bode well for the future, even if there is great confusion on the issue.  at least people interested in the conversation are trying to work it out.  they are trying to understand, to learn how these terms effect others.  actually, it's bigger than that.

i have drifted off topic somewhat.  we were talking about etiquette.  manners.  maybe it isn't off topic.  let's try again later.