manners I

the other evening i was at a banquet with friends.  half the dinners at the table were served a delicious meal of souvlaki chicken, pilaf rice and lemon potatoes.

  

the other half had to wait.  

while we were waiting one of those who had yet to receive her meal commented on the lack of etiquette in the behaviour of those who began to eat without us.  (laughs around the table) then the rest of us, save one, received our dinner.  as i waited until the last person received his meal, i was teased about being so proper.  i told them that when i was young my mom always told me that you don't start eating until everyone has their meal in front of them.  generally, i have continued that practice.

the curious thing to me was that i was chided and teased because i was being polite.  this is something that i think our generation has lost in the name of ... well, i don't know what name to blame for the loss of this simple act of civilization.  we have been told as we hold the door open that "thank you very much but i'm not an invalid.  i can open the door myself."  we have been told that certain words are not acceptable.  for instance, to call a female a "lady" is offensive because of two possible reasons. 

 

that a "lady" in the victorian time is seen as someone who was unable to do things for herself or chose not to do things for herself is one of these possibilities.  the expectation was for her to marry, usually "well", and let the "lord" care for her.  i understand that could be seen as offensive to the modern female.  another possible reason for the offensive nature of the word "lady" is in reference to the "lady of the night". 

 i understand that as offensive and i'm not even a modern female.

"why not call us women?" they ask.  well, to a much lesser degree, i find that word potentially offensive.  for me "woman" has always had the connotation of ownership and being a derivative of "man".  because of that i assume others will find it offensive, so i struggle with using that word in greeting or farewell.

ok.  so, other words that are not acceptable are "babe", "girl", "chick", "hon", "dear", and i'm sure there are many others.  actually, i find it quite disheartening when i hear young females calling other females "chick" because it seems they don't even have the "derogatory nature of address" on their radar.  this does not bode well for the future, even if there is great confusion on the issue.  at least people interested in the conversation are trying to work it out.  they are trying to understand, to learn how these terms effect others.  actually, it's bigger than that.

i have drifted off topic somewhat.  we were talking about etiquette.  manners.  maybe it isn't off topic.  let's try again later.

where the hell did hell go? part 1

so let's take a shot at some discussion on what i am coming to believe about 'hell'.
i was taught that hell was the place one when if one did not ask Jesus into one's heart. partly because i believed what smarter people than me told me, and partly because i didn't think very far past what was being taught, i accepted this. however, i did struggle, when i thought about it, with the idea of family and friends who didn't believe in Jesus ending up wailing and gnashing their teeth while suffering punishment forever in a lake of fire. and i had a hard time answering questions from believers and non-believers alike.  questions like 'how could a God of love allow people to suffer torment forever?' just because they couldn't buy a story that, let's face it, is sometimes a difficult pill to swallow. or 'how could God let people suffer famine, murder, tsunami's, and cruelty at the hands of others?'. or 'why do people who say they believe in Jesus judge others about the same things they do themselves?'. there are answers that are reasonable but sometimes unsatisfactory.

(an unsatisfactory answer doesn't mean that it's wrong. sometimes it just doesn't fit what we want or expect. this has become a bit of an issue in north america. we have been so infected by our society's consumerism that we have made God a commodity that we can buy to suit our perceived needs or reject if we are disappointed in the results. for a discussion on this concept see Divine Commodity - Discovering a Faith Beyond Consumer Christianity)

my journey has been long. this is largely because of my ease at settling. part of my journey involved being introduced to the idea of 'mystery' as it relates to God, worship, understanding, faith. unfortunately my personality can go there too easily without working it out for myself. now i have worked some of this through. this has involved reading and talking.

the beginning was way back when i read the 'Chronicles of Narnia' the first time. the book was 'the last battle'. ever since then i have been trying to think through some sort of theology around hell. there were a couple scenes that struck me. the first was when lucy saw the dwarfs crouched in a circle not aware that they were 'inside' the land of the Emperor. they were clearly 'in' but they couldn't recognize that they were 'in'. the second scene is as the gates open; some people ran in celebrating, some walked in with family and friends, some walked in because they were curious or even because they were carried along with the crowd. (there were some that stayed outside or even ran into the gathering darkness as Narnia was being eaten up. i'm not clear what lewis was saying about that. then again, this is not a cut and dried theory either.)

more recently i read Samuel Well's book Speaking The Truth - Preaching Pluralistic Culture. this is a book that is actually a collection of homilies he has given in his role as chaplain at Duke University.

what the hell? (on so many levels)

well, all there is left is to get started.

as anyone could see (if they read this blog) it's been awhile. and all the while my email says "i've begun blogging again" and a link to this blog is provided. that's been there for a long time. the good thing is no-one comments because no-one reads the blog.

so "why blog?" one might ask. thomas merton says that

"keeping a journal (blog) has taught me that there is not so much new in the interior life as one sometimes thinks. when you reread your journal (blog) you find out that your newest discovery is something you already found out five years ago. still, it is true that one penetrates deeper and deeper into the same ideas and same experiences." Echoing Silence

so we'll see what experiences and ideas we will penetrate in the next while.

speaking of tm, the real reason i've begun again to write in this space is because of the reading and the conversations i've been having for a couple years now. actually, it goes back further than that but let's not.

i have been wondering about the many things i used to believe when i was younger that i either no longer believe or certainly about which i am undecided. hell is a big one. the questions about what if there is a hell are so old as to become trite when written. i will leave them to your own questions and memories of questions. if i am to move away from that doctrine, where do i go? and what do i do with the 'good news'? before the good news was "whew, i don't have to go to hell". now what is the good news?

you'll notice a couple things if you're reading and if you're paying attention.

first i write 'if i am to move away'. i want to avoid saying 'i have moved on'. this suggests that i have grown and evolved beyond these childish ideas. i don't mean that and i don't believe it. these are not childish ideas. people with better minds than mine who are more able to communicate have held and still hold to these ideas, doctrines.

secondly, i do believe there is good news. i believe in the Jesus of the Christians scriptures. replete with the miracles et al. now, that has been a journey as well, later to be blogged i hope. so i still believe there is good news because Jesus talks about it, scripture talks about it. but what is it? that's part of the path i am on now. read scripture, read old saints (and some new ones).

i relish the journey