manners I

the other evening i was at a banquet with friends.  half the dinners at the table were served a delicious meal of souvlaki chicken, pilaf rice and lemon potatoes.

  

the other half had to wait.  

while we were waiting one of those who had yet to receive her meal commented on the lack of etiquette in the behaviour of those who began to eat without us.  (laughs around the table) then the rest of us, save one, received our dinner.  as i waited until the last person received his meal, i was teased about being so proper.  i told them that when i was young my mom always told me that you don't start eating until everyone has their meal in front of them.  generally, i have continued that practice.

the curious thing to me was that i was chided and teased because i was being polite.  this is something that i think our generation has lost in the name of ... well, i don't know what name to blame for the loss of this simple act of civilization.  we have been told as we hold the door open that "thank you very much but i'm not an invalid.  i can open the door myself."  we have been told that certain words are not acceptable.  for instance, to call a female a "lady" is offensive because of two possible reasons. 

 

that a "lady" in the victorian time is seen as someone who was unable to do things for herself or chose not to do things for herself is one of these possibilities.  the expectation was for her to marry, usually "well", and let the "lord" care for her.  i understand that could be seen as offensive to the modern female.  another possible reason for the offensive nature of the word "lady" is in reference to the "lady of the night". 

 i understand that as offensive and i'm not even a modern female.

"why not call us women?" they ask.  well, to a much lesser degree, i find that word potentially offensive.  for me "woman" has always had the connotation of ownership and being a derivative of "man".  because of that i assume others will find it offensive, so i struggle with using that word in greeting or farewell.

ok.  so, other words that are not acceptable are "babe", "girl", "chick", "hon", "dear", and i'm sure there are many others.  actually, i find it quite disheartening when i hear young females calling other females "chick" because it seems they don't even have the "derogatory nature of address" on their radar.  this does not bode well for the future, even if there is great confusion on the issue.  at least people interested in the conversation are trying to work it out.  they are trying to understand, to learn how these terms effect others.  actually, it's bigger than that.

i have drifted off topic somewhat.  we were talking about etiquette.  manners.  maybe it isn't off topic.  let's try again later.